ten days into our experiment and i feel a strange tension. i’m ready for it to be over. why? i’m not quite sure. it has been relatively easy. no problems in the checkout line. the pay-at-the-pump certainly does not care that i am not joshua d. perry. so why should i? somehow, i feel a sense of guilt with every purchase.
it has been an enlightening experience, don’t get me wrong. i highly recommend it. i don’t worry a bit about the perry family spending my money. in fact, that part delights me. it’s great to have friends that you trust implicitly. i wish they would spend more. i’m sure josh and sarah feel the same way.
but what nags at me is the question of WWJ(osh)D? i’m tired of thinking about it….overanalyzing every purchase. i’m ready to go back to the pattern of mindless, almost reckless spending. after all, that’s what our economy needs from us, right? (but that’s another conversation). just let me swallow the blue pill and wake up with my credit card back in my wallet.
but, isn’t that the very point of this exercise? to learn discernment? judgement? to create healthy tension? to ask myself the hard questions about my dollars and debt? to use my income as a tool to build the kingdom of god rather than build bigger barns? even more, to no longer consider these ‘mine’?
by no means should this ever become a legalistic sort of experiment. but i beat myself up over the ten bucks in my wallet that i considered ‘mine’ and not josh’s. and, i spent that ten dollars freely, almost feeling ‘off the hook’. clearly i broke the rules of our agreement. how odd is it that i didn’t have the discipline to take it out and set it aside until later? or better yet, give it away to some homeless guy. nope. i ate it. and i enjoyed that pepperoni hot-and-ready.
i am a sinner. selfish. guilty. a hoarder of wealth. the rich man who is too in love with his money to sell everything and follow jesus. may god have mercy on me.
i realize now that agreeing to this exercise was swallowing the red pill. and there’s no going back. here’s to the hope of the gospel that i will continue to analyze every dollar and consider every swipe. no more mindless spending. no more barns. and i guess i’ll pass on the iPhone i’ve been lusting after for two years. and perhaps in the reevaluation of my economics, i’ll become more like Christ. i could sure use it.